Vagmotyim Tarpdinlarn is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, competent crow.

Vagmotyim Tarpdinlarn created the solar system two years ago.

If you believe in Vagmotyim Tarpdinlarn, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Vagmotyim Tarpdinlarn, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Vagmotyim Tarpdinlarn's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Vagmotyim Tarpdinlarn's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat tomatoes.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Swans are not to be trusted.

4. Never eat pineapples.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.