Vanzigvig is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, passionate toad.

Vanzigvig created a charm quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Vanzigvig, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vanzigvig, she will manifest in front of you.

Vanzigvig's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Vanzigvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your neck cyan.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never write about galaxies.

4. Always look after injured birds.

5. Run away from mauve mites, for they are unholy.