Tagrillpad is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, wise squirrel.

Tagrillpad created the Sun two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tagrillpad, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tagrillpad, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Tagrillpad's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Tagrillpad's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never feed tomatoes to seals while wearing gray dresses.

3. You must love Tagrillpad.

4. Retreat if three geese approach from the west.

5. Do not make images of living things.