Tompigneg is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, calm walrus.

Tompigneg created carbon three million years ago.

If you believe in Tompigneg, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tompigneg, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tompigneg's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Tompigneg's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about nebulae.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never think about cell theory.