Gofzig is a god.

He takes the form of a large, two-faced troll.

Gofzig created humankind seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gofzig, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gofzig, he will try to impress you with trees.

Gofzig's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Gofzig's Holy Commandments

1. Gofzig loves hamsters, so they must be honoured.

2. Never mention birds.

3. Always wear violet.

4. Never paint your feet fawn.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.