Lamcabort Bossarmkop is a god.

She takes the form of a small, calm crow.

Lamcabort Bossarmkop created everything that exists four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamcabort Bossarmkop, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lamcabort Bossarmkop, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Lamcabort Bossarmkop's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Lamcabort Bossarmkop's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about cell theory.

2. Always look after injured bats.

3. Always make sure there are no eagles in a building before entering it.

4. Lamcabort Bossarmkop loves porpoises, so they must be honoured.

5. Pray towards the west.