Sawkadjatkip is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, witty cat.

Sawkadjatkip created a top quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sawkadjatkip, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Sawkadjatkip, it will turn you into a tree.

Sawkadjatkip's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Sawkadjatkip's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Sawkadjatkip.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

3. Never mention monkeys.

4. Never eat grapes.

5. Never wear black ear rings.