Femquafman Queeglistdud is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, slow bird.

Femquafman Queeglistdud created the world six billion years ago.

If you believe in Femquafman Queeglistdud, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Femquafman Queeglistdud, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Femquafman Queeglistdud's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Femquafman Queeglistdud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never wear shorts.

3. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

4. Always look after injured swans.

5. Never feed cucumbers to foxes while wearing yellow scarves.