Flanjapven is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, tranquil swallow.

Flanjapven created matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flanjapven, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Flanjapven, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Flanjapven's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Flanjapven's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never think ill of sick capybaras.

4. Do not wear yellow clothing.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate nematodes.