Mutgumvin is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, fast bat.

Mutgumvin created snails four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mutgumvin, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Mutgumvin, she will turn you into a dog.

Mutgumvin's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Mutgumvin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Erect five aluminium sculptures of Mutgumvin on top of important buildings.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never paint your head mauve.

5. Erect a large silver sculpture of Mutgumvin on top of all buildings.