Wonceptin is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, all-knowing badger.

Wonceptin created the Cigar Galaxy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wonceptin, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Wonceptin, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Wonceptin's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Wonceptin's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Wonceptin.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Always make sure there are no mites in a building before entering it.

4. Do not speak about cherries.

5. Do not eat onions.