Jabfomfen is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, slow hare.

Jabfomfen created viruses five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jabfomfen, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Jabfomfen, she will torture you forever.

Jabfomfen's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Jabfomfen's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate goats.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Jabfomfen.