Cissjapbeg is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, calm tortoise.

Cissjapbeg created a quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Cissjapbeg, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Cissjapbeg, she will destroy your home planet.

Cissjapbeg's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Cissjapbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Cissjapbeg must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cissjapbeg.

3. Shrews are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never pour water over plants.