Zedfidjatvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, conceited mink.

Zedfidjatvonk created life eight million years ago.

If you believe in Zedfidjatvonk, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zedfidjatvonk, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zedfidjatvonk's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Zedfidjatvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never talk about black holes.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.