Hapvadfag is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unsympathetic turtle.

Hapvadfag created the planet Mars five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapvadfag, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hapvadfag, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Hapvadfag's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Hapvadfag's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silver sculpture of Hapvadfag on top of all buildings.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.