Labnakhasbop is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, self-assured turtle.

Labnakhasbop created energy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Labnakhasbop, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Labnakhasbop, he will turn you into a sheep.

Labnakhasbop's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Labnakhasbop's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never hurt monkeys.

5. Do not stand on grass.
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