Futarnflamwot is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, charitable dingo.

Futarnflamwot created tapeworms seven million years ago.

If you believe in Futarnflamwot, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Futarnflamwot, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Futarnflamwot's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Futarnflamwot's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Run away from yellow turtles, for they are unholy.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always help grasshopers in need.