Kemkin is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, temperamental seal.

Kemkin created a strange quark four years ago.

If you believe in Kemkin, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Kemkin, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Kemkin's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Kemkin's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never skip in the presence of goats.

3. Never mention birds.

4. Never jump in holy places.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.