Loopfaggupstaf is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, fussy giraffe.

Loopfaggupstaf created tapeworms five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopfaggupstaf, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Loopfaggupstaf, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Loopfaggupstaf's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Loopfaggupstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if six geese approach from the north.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not hurt manatees.

5. Feed all hungry sharks.