Zankanmid is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, conceited seal.

Zankanmid created light nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zankanmid, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zankanmid, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Zankanmid's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Zankanmid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about moths.

2. Do not eat figs.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Feed all hungry eagles.