Haksancip is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, unsympathetic hippopotamus.

Haksancip created the planet Earth two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haksancip, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Haksancip, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Haksancip's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Haksancip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Hide from red turtles for they are unholy.