Kikcissquat Gadteenjarn is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, benevolent deer.

Kikcissquat Gadteenjarn created carbon three million years ago.

If you believe in Kikcissquat Gadteenjarn, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kikcissquat Gadteenjarn, it will destroy your home solar system.

Kikcissquat Gadteenjarn's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Kikcissquat Gadteenjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

4. Always treat mites with great respect.

5. Never talk about fire.