Jonyokhig is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, astonishing dove.

Jonyokhig created snails eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonyokhig, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jonyokhig, she will turn you into a tree.

Jonyokhig's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Jonyokhig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not drink water in black rooms.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.