Hakbenhompigkon is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, ruthless raccoon.

Hakbenhompigkon created the Black Eye Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakbenhompigkon, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hakbenhompigkon, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hakbenhompigkon's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Hakbenhompigkon's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always help sick sharks.

3. Never think ill of sick ants.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Hakbenhompigkon.

5. Do not dye your hair brown.