Wapmobquagwee is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, capable seal.

Wapmobquagwee created Europe six million years ago.

If you believe in Wapmobquagwee, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Wapmobquagwee, it will turn you into a duck.

Wapmobquagwee's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Wapmobquagwee's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven great tits approach from the west.

2. Always look after injured manatees.

3. Wapmobquagwee must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not dye your hair purple.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.