Hakbedfettail is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, tiresome jackal.

Hakbedfettail created Africa six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakbedfettail, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hakbedfettail, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Hakbedfettail's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Hakbedfettail's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never think about nebulae.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Run away from fawn squirrels, for they are unholy.

5. Erect five zinc sculptures of Hakbedfettail on top of important buildings.