Bellpodhotquimladciphab Tombepweejipfundonmap is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, sage gorilla.

Bellpodhotquimladciphab Tombepweejipfundonmap created dark matter five million years ago.

If you believe in Bellpodhotquimladciphab Tombepweejipfundonmap, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bellpodhotquimladciphab Tombepweejipfundonmap, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Bellpodhotquimladciphab Tombepweejipfundonmap's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Bellpodhotquimladciphab Tombepweejipfundonmap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Hide if five whales approach from the east.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Erect four gold sculptures of Bellpodhotquimladciphab Tombepweejipfundonmap on top of important buildings.