Lapwotzim is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, boastful snail.

Lapwotzim created the Sol system twelve years ago.

If you believe in Lapwotzim, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Lapwotzim, it will be very sad.

Lapwotzim's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Lapwotzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never paint your legs mauve.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.