Bepnibnar is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, unselfish hippopotamus.

Bepnibnar created a photon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bepnibnar, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bepnibnar, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Bepnibnar's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Bepnibnar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. Do not wear zinc on your body.

3. Always treat tapirs with great respect.

4. Always help snails in need.

5. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.