Hogartnar is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unselfish pig.

Hogartnar created the planet Earth six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hogartnar, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hogartnar, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Hogartnar's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Hogartnar's Holy Commandments

1. Hogartnar must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Run away from pink mice, for they are unholy.

3. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not dye your hair green.