Midvidzim is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, fussy grasshopper.

Midvidzim created viruses eight million years ago.

If you believe in Midvidzim, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Midvidzim, she will turn you into a rat.

Midvidzim's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Midvidzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not eat aubergines.