Larnfatsas is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, weak newt.

Larnfatsas created a charm quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnfatsas, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Larnfatsas, he will not invite you to parties.

Larnfatsas' most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Larnfatsas' Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no seals in a room before entering it.

2. Never think ill of sick shrews.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never paint your hands red.

5. Always help sick moths.