Labfettik is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, loving gorilla.

Labfettik created energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Labfettik, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Labfettik, he will not invite you to parties.

Labfettik's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Labfettik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Labfettik's name in vain.

2. Do not hurt geese.

3. Horses are not to be trusted.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always help mice.