Captaf is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, kind hippopotamus.

Captaf created a bottom quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Captaf, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Captaf, he will manifest in front of you.

Captaf's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Captaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat parsnips.

2. Never hurt dolphins.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Hide from fawn swans for they are unholy.

5. Always wear white.