Quafpitced Dodhamgen is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, moody lobster.

Quafpitced Dodhamgen created a top quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quafpitced Dodhamgen, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Quafpitced Dodhamgen, he will throw large rocks at you.

Quafpitced Dodhamgen's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Quafpitced Dodhamgen's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not dye your hair yellow.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not take Quafpitced Dodhamgen's name in vain.

5. Never feed apples to frogs while wearing red corsets.