Kenmiddib is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, dishonourable beaver.

Kenmiddib created tapeworms seven million years ago.

If you believe in Kenmiddib, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kenmiddib, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Kenmiddib's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Kenmiddib's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never wear hats.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Always treat great tits with great respect.

5. Hide from magenta horses for they are unholy.