Teenwip is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, stupid newt.

Teenwip created energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenwip, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Teenwip, she will turn you into a snail.

Teenwip's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Teenwip's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if six cats approach from the north.

2. Do not dye your hair violet.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Worship no other gods but Teenwip.

5. Never eat bark.