Ontvilhas is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, sage human.

Ontvilhas created the solar system eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontvilhas, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Ontvilhas, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Ontvilhas' most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Ontvilhas' Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never go into orange rooms.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Ontvilhas.

4. Run away from indigo tortoises, for they are unholy.

5. Do not wear copper on your body.