Fatzenqueegkem is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, overgenerous shark.

Fatzenqueegkem created snails six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fatzenqueegkem, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fatzenqueegkem, she will be mildly annoyed.

Fatzenqueegkem's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Fatzenqueegkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. You must love Fatzenqueegkem.

3. Fatzenqueegkem must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never talk about moons.