Pan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, calm hyena.

Pan created parasitic wasps eight million years ago.

If you believe in Pan, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Pan, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Pan's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Pan's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Pan on top of all buildings.

2. You must pray to Pan six times a day.

3. Worship no other gods but Pan.

4. Never feed beans to grasshopers while wearing violet trousers.

5. Always wear white.