Hatpomlist is a god.

She takes the form of a large, boastful parrot.

Hatpomlist created life two years ago.

If you believe in Hatpomlist, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hatpomlist, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Hatpomlist's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Hatpomlist's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Hatpomlist loves snails, so they must be respected.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.