Yarpsassan is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, annoying mongoose.

Yarpsassan created the planet Mars two million years ago.

If you believe in Yarpsassan, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Yarpsassan, he will torture you forever.

Yarpsassan's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Yarpsassan's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Always treat manatees with great respect.

3. Do not wear red clothing.

4. Never talk about sharks.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.