Barnflam is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, happy lion.

Barnflam created humanity four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Barnflam, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Barnflam, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Barnflam's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Barnflam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a building before entering it.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Barnflam loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not kill porpoises.

5. Pray towards the east.