Midzaklim is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, boastful clam.

Midzaklim created snails seven million years ago.

If you believe in Midzaklim, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Midzaklim, he will not invite you to parties.

Midzaklim's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Midzaklim's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate horses.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Tortoises are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never eat green fruit.