Vonkyakquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, self-assured dingo.

Vonkyakquaf created life eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonkyakquaf, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonkyakquaf, he will turn you into a tree.

Vonkyakquaf's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Vonkyakquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Never wear white stockings.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Run away from fawn voles, for they are unholy.