Podranbess Kindav is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, all-powerful mouse.

Podranbess Kindav created Europe eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Podranbess Kindav, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Podranbess Kindav, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Podranbess Kindav's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Podranbess Kindav's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.