Jenquillmif is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, stupid beaver.

Jenquillmif created an atom five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jenquillmif, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jenquillmif, she will turn you into a mole.

Jenquillmif's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Jenquillmif's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Jenquillmif's priests.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Jenquillmif on top of all buildings.

4. Never hurt great tits.

5. Do not listen to music.