Hotlargmad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, selfish narwhal.

Hotlargmad created snails five million years ago.

If you believe in Hotlargmad, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Hotlargmad, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Hotlargmad's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Hotlargmad's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in the presence of whales.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never talk about goats.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Erect a large copper sculpture of Hotlargmad on top of all buildings.