Nanquatcad is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, staggering human.

Nanquatcad created humanity three million years ago.

If you believe in Nanquatcad, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Nanquatcad, he will not invite you to parties.

Nanquatcad's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Nanquatcad's Holy Commandments

1. Erect four platinum sculptures of Nanquatcad on top of important buildings.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

4. You must love Nanquatcad.

5. Never talk about fire.