Yartsigdumquimgadcar is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, boastful lizard.

Yartsigdumquimgadcar created Africa nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartsigdumquimgadcar, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Yartsigdumquimgadcar, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Yartsigdumquimgadcar's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Yartsigdumquimgadcar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Yartsigdumquimgadcar loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Yartsigdumquimgadcar.